Well this is my first stab at a blog, so I guess I’ll just make this as simplistic as possible.
This week has been anything but stellar. I’ve had trouble making it to both my classes and work, I’ve been short on cash all up until yesterday, and I’ve found myself stuck with nothing to do about it all. Why? Because I lack the one essential thing that could solidify my independence. My own car.
This one object has eluded me for the longest time, for the better part of 3 years (going on four). I’ve been at the mercy of public transportation and bummed rides from friends and family. And I can’t really blame anyone for this but myself. Until recently I haven’t really been all that active in pursuing my own car. And after talking with my friends, I’ve realized that I haven’t really done anything proactively for myself. My problem is that I just sit around and wait for things to happen, for things to just fall in my lap. How can expect to get anything done in life by doing that? And right now, because of all this, I’m struggling to maintain other areas of my life.
Ever since summer vacation, I’ve been really concerned with two things: work and school. I remember my first couple of weeks at work, one of my supervisors gave me a really bad work schedule, and I talked to him about it, saying that I had no car, and I depended on others to get me from place to place. I even told him that I was going to get a car by the end of summer. almost 9 months later, here I am in the same position, without a license, without a car, and without any progress. Well I can’t say that I have no progress. I have been learning to drive (AGAIN) and I getting more comfortable behind the wheel. My only problem now is, I can’t seem to find the time to take the test.
Okay, time out.
Another problem that I just realized — the real problem — is that I seem to make obstacles for myself. If it’s not the fact that I have no time, it’s the fact that I don’t know how to parallel park yet, or the fact that I have work in the morning and I’d be too tired to take the test. How am I supposed to make it through life when I’m stopping myself from doing anything. Instead I’m here blaming everyone else but myself. My friends are helping me look for a car, and I’m just waiting for them to do the work. Just like with school, I’m just waiting for this major to work out for me, when in all honesty I don’t know what technical communication is (despite going to Career Services twice) or what I want to do with this degree.
I feel like I want to scream right now, but instead I’m going to start a checklist of things that I need to do before this semester is over with. I’m good with tasks if I have an organized set of dates that I can go to everyday. If I want to be a better person, I need to take that first step and be more proactive with my own life instead of sitting around while the world passes me by. And honestly, I’m afraid that this is too ambitious for lazy-ol’-me, that after hyping myself up with this blog that I’ll just go back to the excuse-making slouch that really hates to do anything that I don’t understand anything about. This reminds me of myself when I don’t want to do anything; I’ll find myself stuck to my bed staring at the wall or on the floor watching TV, when I know I have things to do. I know I have to do them, but I can’t will myself to pry myself from the clutches of my sheets or pull my eyes away from the sports highlights that I saw an hour ago. When really, it’s as easy as taking a step. One step leads to another, and soon I’ve done my task and it was as simple as that.
Just take the step Dante. As easy as one step.
